DERBY, Kan. (KSNW) — Almost two years after the murder of an El Dorado infant, his father, 24-year-old Kaleb Hogan, was convicted last week of first-degree murder and child abuse. The child’s mother says justice has been served, but no sentence will ever be enough.

“When you hear ‘guilty,’ and then the ‘guilty’ again, you just, I feel like my body just melted,” Savannah Arnett, mother of Malykai Braxtyn Hogan, said. “I can finally just finally start to actually heal and grieve my son fully now.”

Malykai died at Wesley Medical Center in March 2021 after being admitted for respiratory distress. His father admitted to shaking the infant on two occasions. The three-month-old infant was found to have 16 healing rib fractures, blood around his brain, and hemorrhaging in his left and right optic nerve.

Arnett says her son would have turned two years old in December 2022—but what should have been a birthday party instead was a graveside visit.

“[I] tell him what’s going on, and tell him how much I miss him and tell him how I wish it was me. Every day,” Arnett said.

Arnett says she asks herself often what she could have done differently to have saved her son, with every answer falling short.

“I’ve gone back, and I’ve looked at absolutely everything, and there’s no signs,” Arnett said with tears running down her face.

She also says the memory of that final goodbye is just as vivid as if it were yesterday.

“I just held him, and I kissed him, and I just told him I loved him, and I sang ‘You are my Sunshine,’ and then he was gone,” Arnett said. “I would give my whole life up to hold him one more time or for him to still be here, but I can’t.”

Kaleb Hogan is set to be sentenced this March.